If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
