Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
