If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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