if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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