Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
