so explain again why im purple
no
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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