his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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