Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
