Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
