I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
