Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
