There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
