Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
