My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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