Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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