Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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