some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
