how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
