Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
