You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
honey bunches of taint.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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