On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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