I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
