I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
