yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do vagina's smell?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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