She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
