I wannas sexs uuuuu
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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