I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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