Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Terrible idea I love it
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
