I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
