the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
