so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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