There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize