Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
