I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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