What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
