I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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