I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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