He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
