I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
