then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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