When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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