Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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