Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
