I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
