Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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