her facebook's as public as her vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
