Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We need to get me chipped asap
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
