it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You took a bar mat shot.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
