Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
