I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
