seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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