It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
