If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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