my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
