Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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