wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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