Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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