i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
