If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
