Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
