I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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