He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
