I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
