I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
