Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
