I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
