saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
