just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize