one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
sex in a hospital.. check
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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