that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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