Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
