So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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