So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
