well I can't set my house on fire every night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
