Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize