turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
