batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
