remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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