If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize