Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
