just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
