I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
