I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I love having hate sex.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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