so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
