When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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