my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize