It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize