alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
