Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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