So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
