You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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