I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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