i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
