Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
