ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
