You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
