I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize