This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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