Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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