U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
they need to just BURY HIM!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
